Tag Archives: winter

… aaaaand it’s Winter

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Plot twist: Driver went off the road due
to medical emergency, not road conditions.

“PT” Cruiser

They say statistically there are more car accidents in fair weather than when it’s shitty out. The theory being people drive less carefully when it’s clear.

pt cruiser

I find this to be bullshit. I think it’s just that there are more days—again, statistically—when it’s not snowing or raining. (Present winter excluded).

HOWEVER …

Riding back from the ER the other day—when it was finally nice out—we rolled up to this scene before the local EMS.

Still not sure what happened. I guess when you drive a “PT Cruiser”, you’re asking for trouble. (Pt, being medical shorthand for “patient”).

Be careful out there. It’s supposed to be nice out, today!

O’ Five-Hundred: A Sob Story

How I know if I have to go to work today:

Is it fifteen degrees outside?

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Check!

Have the plows been out yet?

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Negative.

Is it snowing like a mofo?

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Naturally.

Is my partner on her way?

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No … you have to go get her?

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Forty miles back up the road you just came down.

Received. En Route. : (

Ow… my Pancreas!

There are two types of calls in EMS: “Oh Shit!” calls and “Bullshit” calls.

The Oh Shit! calls are obvious: Patient’s lung sounds can be heard from across the room when you enter. Patient is grey in color after a thirty foot fall and loosing consciousness. Patient is a one month old that can’t breathe right and is turning blue.

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The Bullshit calls take a little more practice to identify.

To be clear, I’m not taking about the Bullshit calls where someone is just being a baby—the odd toothache, or the stubbed toe—I’m talking about the flat out fakers.

People who call 911 as a free taxi to the ER to get refills on their drugs… those are bullshit. (Now, as a disclaimer, I’m not judgmental. I have no problem with recreational drug use; I went to art school in the 90s. I get it).

But Jesus Christ, don’t call us when you need a fix.

For one thing, you’re not that good at acting. When I ask you what hurts and you say your pancreas; you’re just embarrassing us both. Especially if you can’t point to it.

And number two—and the reason for this rant—you are taking services away from people who really need us. Did you know, Mr. Pancreas, that yesterday while you were being chauffeured to the ER for the oxycodone you forgot to tell us you were on, some 12 year old kid was lying in the snow with a broken femur waiting for us to assemble a back up crew.

No you didn’t know that. You had all that pancreas pain in your chest.

And, again, I don’t care if you want to be that guy, but for Pete’s sake (Pete being my made up name for the kid who sledded into a tree) call a fucking a cab next time.

Or at least take an acting class.

Know Guts, Know Glory!

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All and all, being an EMT isn’t that hard. Like the t-shirt says: “Air goes in and out; blood goes round and round”. Except for something about blood sugar and diabetics, that’s about the size of it.

(Medics, I guess have it a little harder. Needles, drugs, heart-monitors …).

But what about the guys who really keep us on the road? The mechanics?

I was in the garage yesterday washing salt off one of the ambulances (okay winter, you’re winning) and one of the mechanics was doing the equivalent of open heart surgery. Or a liver transplant. Or… I don’t know what I’m even looking at:

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I’ve mentioned in previous posts that some of our trucks are embarrassingly shitty—and they are—but it is still worth admiring how they keep these babies on the road.

And speaking of the road … oh look it’s shitty and snowing out again. I guess that means I’m scheduled to work : (