Monthly Archives: July 2015

The UNfair

Trying to get a day off and I get roped into a stand-by at the county fair.


Usually I love the standbys; time and a half, and lots of trauma skills practice.
(The standbys I usually work involve motorcycles driving really fast and jumping things).


But, oh man I hate county fairs. They’re soooo boring. And this one was no exception.


Not a single job all day.


Or night.


At least the carnies hooked us up with free food when things shut down.

… Also I pet a kangaroo.

MVA with a side of Bees

IMG_2596Three O’clock in the morning and the neighborhood firehouse alarm and/or the 911 app on my phone wakes me up: Car into a tree, with injuries.

Usually after three long days of work, in a row, I would just go back to sleep. But I looked at my phone and the crash was on my street—turns out, less than 100 yards from my driveway.

Okay. So I throw pants on and respond.

Patient is out of the car—walking wounded—but since I’m the first EMS on scene and I have no ambulance in which to assess her, I have her sit on the back step of the fire truck that had arrived.

So I’m doing my assessment—what happened exactly? do you remember the crash? let me check your blood pressure…—and BAM! I get whacked in the back of the neck by a bee or a wasp or a hornet. I don’t know what it was; I only know that it fucking hurt.

I look up at the truck’s scene lights and see a bunch of pissed of bees or whatever. The rumbling truck must have woken them up.

Another EMT arrives with the ambulance and we get the patient to the ER. The whole ride in I’m feeling kind of itchy but think nothing of it.

We hand the girl to the ER and I get my signatures.

“Dude,” says my driver. “What’s up with your face—and your eyes, and your ears?”

What… ? Shut up.”

IMG_1481“No really,” he says. “Go look in a mirror.”

I go to the bathroom and sure enough I’m as red as a stop sign. I lift my shirt and I have hives up and down my sides. Are you seriously? Now I’m allergic to bees?

Lucky for me the call was ALS: I was able to catch the medic before he left, so I could get some off-the-record benadryl; the sun was barely up. It was way the fuck too early for incident reports.

•   •   •

The morals to the story: Always make sure the scene is safe. No good deed goes unpunished. And fuck you bees!

A Game of Numbers

Well, here are a couple of numbers you don’t see every day:


Kind of ironic how my previous post was about the shitty deadly equipment I have to deal with at my commercial job. But at my volley, we just got this brand new rig (chopper not included), and it is dope:


But its kind of scary riding something so nice. No one wants to be the first one to put a scratch on it. Oh wait …. too late:


Well, that didn’t take long. I blame the heat. And the helicopter guys!

’til the Wheels Come Off!

A TRUE STORY: Yesterday, before shift, I’m checking my rig and I notice a couple of treads on my front, driver’s side tire look “funny”. I walk around to the other side to compare it to the passenger side tire—but of course the passenger side tire is completely bald.

From behind me a couple of EMTs and a supervisor are standing there smoking cigarettes and laughing, “you ain’t getting a new tire so forget about it.”

“I don’t give a shit,” I say. “I just don’t want to flip”.

I put my ambulance in service and we get sent to bring a psych patient to a hospital an hour away. We transport without incident. As we’re leaving the ER parking lot I hear a funny clicking noise under the ambulance.

It sounds like I’m dragging something.

I get out to look, and see this on the inside of the front, driver’s side tire:


I’m no mechanic, but I’m pretty sure that is bad. I’m pretty sure that’s a fucking aneurism!

“Dispatch, 880 is out of service!”

“Received, 880. Do you feel safe driving the ambulance back to Station 1?”

“No, dispatch… Correction: Fuck no.”